Why America is Better than You
Without technically doing anything
That italicised sub-text is pretty useful. Anyway, there are a
plethora of internet sites that boast One Country to be better than
any other. Certainly, America is one country that has more of these
sites than any other. So we at the Spunion thought it would be a
real neato idea to summarise these websites for you. As well as throw
a bunch of our own stuff in there too.
A Complete List
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Despite winning World War II, they still kept the Klan
No brainer really, only in a land as free as America could
you win a War against racism but still contribute
such a well-know reknowned organisation.
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Jennifer Love Hewitt
For a long time, Australia thought it was the best at pushing
television stars into singing. Example: Kylie Minogue,
Jason Donovan, Natalie Imbruglia. Now America is showing us
the way. And you can bet they'll do it better.
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Nuclear Arse-anal
Russia's Nuclear Arsenal is probably a lot more dangerous -
to Russians. But the USA can boast a complete Arsenal that is
Y2K compliant. At least, that's what the CIA wants you to
think. Which brings . . .
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"Intelligence" "Organisations"
Unlike the MI5, MI6, Israel's Secret Police or ASIO, America
has far, far cooler "intelligence organisations". Only the
CIA can "organise" the bombing of the Chinese Embassey in
Serbia on the basis of "an old UBD". Only the FBI could be
run by an (alleged) transvestite. And only the Secret Service
could guard not only the President but also computer hackers.
Oh, and only America could claim Rosewell was, with a straight
face, only a weather balloon (as opposed to the vessel of caucasian
inter-galactic space aliens with large heads and almond eyes
that we all know it to be).
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The Internet
Unlike the French, who used their 'internet' for useful
purposes like getting bus tickets, buying food or checking
train time tables, America has given the world the World
Wide Web. The Web (as industry people like to call it) boasts
millions of pages of useless information and a lot of pornography.
If it wasn't for the web, Australia couldn't try and censor it.
If it wasn't for the web, intelligence organisations couldn't
get any information. If it wasn't for the web, Murder Simulators
like Doom wouldn't have gained their cult appeal. And, if it
wasn't for the web, the art of one-handed typing would have
died out a long time ago.
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English v2.1
Most people seem to think the English language started in
England. Well, it did - but America has created one of the
world's most recognised upgrade. From time-saving features
like dropping the 'u' in colour, to the slow elimination of
irony, English v2.1 is must-have upgrade for all English users,
throughout the world.
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Madeline Albright
England thought it had the monopoly on angry women in power,
but America has gone one better. Not some prissy-pansy like
Hillary Clinton or Olivia Newton-John, Madeline Albright is the
real deal. A poster-pinup for the politically conscious,
she's the Real Deal. Which reminds us . . . . .
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Coca Cola, McDonalds and Capitalism
From an organisation that sells brown water with bubbles and
sugar in it, to a fast-food vendor that's only 'food quality'
requirement is temperature, America knows how to sell.
Capitalism has taken the world by storm. Sort of a Domino
effect really. In fact, the only places it hasn't taken off
are ones where the US Military has shot people. Like
Vietnam. Oh, and as a web user, I must say, Microsoft is
really swell with lots of neat features. Did I mention that
this site is best viewed with Internet Explorer?
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George Lucas and Star Wars
Yes, without America there would have been no Star Wars - which
means that movies may never have become so crassly commercial,
lacking in plot or artistic direction and special FX may have
never got so huge. It's a good thing, trust him. For more
info, click here.
So you can see, America is Better than You. So put away your mindless
patriotism and embrace the sensible Nationalism that is AMERICA.