Ray Desviado, Real Estate Guy |
"Those freaked out kids were always making eyes at each whenever I held a world leader's conference at my Real Estate Agency in Washington. It reminds me of a time I had this thing going with a buxom young Real Estate agent. But frankly, I don't want to think about what they did to each other by the Rose Garden while the other guys were arriving in the helicopter. And I don't even want to look at another brown cigar. It puts a whole new meaning to the phrase 'rolled on the thighs of a young virgin'." |
Macrosoft Chairman, Not Bill Gates |
"I used to enjoy defending my multi-billion dollar computer corporation from the advances of the slurry-like, sick bastards at the Federal Department of Injustice, but after seeing John and Pete go for it in Streaming Real Video on the Macrosoft Website, I asked myself: why not make love instead. My good friends Stephen Jobs at Apple MacIntosh (not to be confused with Steve Jobs of Apple McIntosh) and those whacky guys at Netscape (not to be confused with the browser of the identical name) even say it doesn't hurt as much anymore." | Parking Lot Pervert |
"I'm really proud to be an Australian Parking Lot Pervert, now the Prime Minister has pathed the way for sick, depraved individuals like myself, I can proudly write 'pervert' on my tax returns under occupation. And when I get some grand children, I can tell them that daddy used to get paid to do what the Prime Minister did for fun on the weekend." |
So here at the Spunion, we are proud to present you with a couple of samples of the love letters, completely unedited.
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My Darling Peter, Once again we have mustered the forcess of darnkess and produced a Budget Surplus of Keating-esque proportions; a structural deficit covered by an asset sale which have conveniently called rental. This makes my loins moist and excited for your hot entry. Meet me tonight in the bar behind the velvet-carpeted rooms of the lower house, so that I may escort you to my own lower house and introduce you to the back-bench. I remember how lonley it was, back there, back in the days when we would tussle over pre-selection, barely able to conceal our smirking grins as we traded sensual favours for faction votes. It really takes me back to my days as Treasurer, under the eyebrow of Menzies, eagerly spending what fiscal over-expenditure he had left, spent he may have felt. Peter, it is time to join me in the privacy of Cabinet, laying together under Parliamentary Privilege, secretly violating every section of my Minsterial Code of Conduct. The warmth and affection I feel for you now is real; but I know soon that you will advance upon my Prime Ministerial Seat with burning lust to thrust your rabid lips and suckle from the Nation's ample boosum. Be careful where you tread, oh Peter, for though you may enjoy your time in the light, the Walrus does approach. I hope you have the ticker for it.
Dearest Respect, |