The Macrosoft Test

Macrosoft Test Results

If you've just completed the test, your results will be posted here in coming days (or so). Feel free to peruse this page and see how others went.

Index to Entries:

Leena Williams
Lance Hillier
Serge Egleman
Trisha Kapono
RightSaid Fred
Joel Mendelson
Cara Thow
Ninan B
Phokus
Colin Henderson

Applicant Name: Leena Williams

Technical Ability

The applicant shows zero computer ability. It is highly unlikely that she would be able to switch on her desktop computer -- presuming, of course, that her massive aura of stupidity does not cause her fellow Engineers to forget how to breath. Actually identified a computer as a cow.

Interpersonal Skills

Best identified as "passive/aggressive", the applicant should not be exposed to any kind of social company or freedom. Her inability to express her feelings is likely to result in the complete destruction of Western Civilisation. She probably has a website similar to the Misanthropic Bitch. Somewhat needy and ridiculously over-confident.

Job Prospects

Henchman or CEO's Love Interest. A healthy lack of intelligence is only displaced by a massively inflated self-esteem.

Applicant Name: Lance Hillier

Technical Ability

High Technical Ability. Probably operates ridiculously obselete software at home on a ridiculously powerful system. Can communicate with modems by clicking and whistling.

Interpersonal Skills

Highly inflated self-worth combined with extremely limited interpersonal ability. This results in a severe inability to help others even when clearly within ability. Answered question six with "Yeah, right.... HOw cabn I be of assistance?". Alarmingly lack of grammar and typing flies in the face of coding ability. More at home with machines than people.

Job Prospects

Code Compiler. Poisonous social influence tempered by incredible computer ability.

Applicant Name: Serge Egelman

Technical Ability

Interesting computer fetish, indicative of high competitor code replication ability. Not extremely technically proficient, but able to navigate the Doorway interface. Able to find free pornography.

Interpersonal Skills

Desperately needy masochist who craves authoritarianism. Highly unsubtle in conversation and generally desperate for sexual attention. Probably has an erection right now.

Job Prospects

Marketing/Public Relations and Head Project Management. Fierce loyalty tempered with unusually high sex drive, just like Bill.

Applicant Name: Trish Kapono

Technical Ability

Highly comptuer literate: able to identify a computer in normal circumstances. Is able to use/invent computer jargon terms that will impress, despite the Y2K debacle.

Interpersonal Skills

Highly erotically charged, but a corporate servant/whore. Can communicate in a stilted fashion, but has difficulty to conceal desperate desire for sex. Probably has an extensive pornography collection, which she is likely to have actually paid for, from the internet. Probably able to conduct a conversation, although arguably typing in ICQ is not conversing in the classic sense.

Job Prospects

Technical Slave. Will write useless overpriced software while real technical geeks correct her coding; potential to sleep her way to a managerial posting.

Applicant Name: RightSaid Fred

Technical Ability

Computer geek of the purest, palest white. Achievement of geek status purely motivated for unnatural sexual desire for computers and keyboards. Or it could just be classical conditioning causing the arousal: after so many hours of downloading porn, the keyboard triggers this depraved physiological reaction.

Interpersonal Skills

Have you ever heard of a geek with interpersonal skills? Certainly not one to break the mold, except when he shifts position on his computer chair occassionally, sending millions of microbes to their death.

Job Prospects

Code Editor (no internet connection). Geek skills best suited for editing the code of others, like Trish Kapono; must not be given an internet connection or he will bring company intranet down with horse pornography.

Applicant Name: Joel Mendelson

Technical Ability

Can identify a computer, but probably not very much else. May or may not possess other technical skills. Is aware of the internet, but probably still hasn't figured out how to download free pornography.

Interpersonal Skills

Tends to fawn to others without sniggering behind their back later. We're not sure if this is strictly an 'interpersonal skill', but it certainly says something for his personality. General likeable when cornered.

Job Prospects

Entry Level Management. Loyalty to the corporation, coupled with the absence of enough technical knowledge to waste any time, but enough technical knowledge to send memo's about the future of computing, makes him a prime Management prospect.

Applicant Name: Cara Thow

Technical Ability

May have heard of computers, possibly even able to distinguish a clip art computer from a clip art cow, but may have just made a lucky guest. Is obviously aware of the internet, but whether or not this is due to the rise of the 'internet cafe' or innate technical prowess is not clear.

Interpersonal Skills

Highly abrupt personality, with very little understanding of 'wit', 'subtelty' or 'irony'. May or may not indicate that she is American. May smile if proded, but this theory is yet to be examined closely.

Job Prospects

Would make a good Pimp. Probably not suited to Macrosoft Corporation's Official Arms, but now that the corporation is being split into two, may fit into Macrosoft Perth Sex Tours Incorporated.

Applicant Name: Nina B

Technical Ability

High technical proficiency, tempered only by a single-minded focus on the computer as a developing piece of technology. Defines geek, minus the sick, depraved pornographic mind normally associated with these psycophants.

Interpersonal Skills

Unlike your average computer geek, is able to conduct a conversation without thinking of sex. Yes, it came as a shock to us as well, but our non-qualified psychologists assures us the on-line test is fool-proof (except for the time the guy didn't leave an e-mail address, but he was probably hoping for pornography or something).

Job Prospects

Senior Technical Analyst. Will head a team of computer coders into the deep labyrinth of Macrosoft-side server hardware; unabated loyalty permits such a senior (and low-paid) position.

Applicant Name: Phokus

Technical Ability

Border-line retarded, but like so many before, was able to find free pornography on the internet. So much free pornography, clients will be generally impressed while they are carted away by security back to their designated areas. This is despite the fact the applicant cannot identify a computer from a cow.

Interpersonal Skills

Very personal person, probably has no concept of 'personal space', 'privacy' or 'stalking'. Was seen dry humping a fire hydrant outside Macrosoft offices.

Job Prospects

Janitor. Floors need to be cleaned, preferably when no-one is around and all the computers are off; may be required to wear impenetrable chastity belt and big mittens.

Applicant Name: Colin Henderson

Technical Ability

Depends whether or not you count 'ridiculous sleaziness' as a 'technical ability'. We don't.

Interpersonal Skills

Really depends whether or not 'voriforous groin pointing' can be classed as an 'interpersonal skill'. Our non-qualified psychologist assures us this is akin to baboons painting their genitals green or something. Psychologists always talk a bunch of crap.

Job Prospects

Human Resources. Some people say we're asking for a lawsuit, we say he can spend his time shredding documents and memo's and perjuring himself in exchange for a few minutes alone with a noisy hard disk drive.