Prime Minister Gives Australia Permission to Stay Up

News In Brief

Australia's majestic Prime Minister gave Australia permission to stay up and watch the Cricket as Australia advances to the World Cup Finals. When asked "So can we have the day off to watch the cricket?" Prime Minister John Howard said, "Err, No, but you can stay up and watch it". It was a classic display of good will, typical of his reign as Australia's leader.

Better than Bob Hawke

Pundits were impressed across Australia, and were quick to compare this brilliant outburst with a similar outburst from ALP Prime Minister of the 1980's, Bob Hawke. Then Prime Minister Bob Hawke stated, in a drunken stupour (beer in hand) after the Australia Cup Victory, "Any Boss who sacks his employees for not going to work tommorrow is a bum". But clearly, Liberal Party stalwart PM John Howard has gone one better. And we're here to tell you why.

Probably the most striking difference between the two announcements was our present PM's sobriety. Bob Hawke was unquestionably drunk. If he was sober (a rare occurrence throughout his years at the top) it is likely he would have made another neo-socialist, save the children and burn-the-rich while the wharfies destroy the country speech along the lines of "you rich bastards with big boats have had it too good for too long you can all get stuffed". Certainly, if PM John Howard was drunk (which would be a first) he would have said exactly the same thing, albeit with a slightly longer "err".

It is also important to evaluate this statements in context. Bob Hawke was talking about a boat, with a 'winged keel', which beat a bunch of Americans without a wing keel. And it was a boat funded by tycoon Alan Bond, currently serving his 6 years in a minimum security prison (teaching economics) for fraud and stuff. Our good PM John Howard was talking about Cricket.

This cricket game was a titanic match of skill and determination between the heroes, Australia, and the infidels, South Africa. The America's Cup was a boat race between Australia and some rich bastard from America. Hands down, PM John Howard's choice of sport wins. Of course, many speculate that Bob Hawke only watched boats for the alcohol. Other say it was because the turgid, rolling seas reminded him of capitalists drowning in Fosters. Either way, the man was a drunken idiot.

Pointless Conclusions

The whole point of this article is to celebrate the greatness of our current PM, and, in the footsteps of his Liberal Party/National Party Coalition Government, throw in a few cheap shots at the (very) previous ALP Government. And with hands on chest and morals in bucket, let us surge forth, a writhing mass and burn some more dole bludgers on the fire. After all, only a neo-communist-socialist-retard would miss a day of work for a sporting event. Long live Capitalism. You slack bastard.
Copyright 18th June 1999 Spunion