Reader Responses
The Greatest Computer Game in the World
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From Mr. Packer
Dear Anonymous Skinny Man,
What a bunch of f*n horsesh*t.
Everybody knows that Solitaire kicks Minesweeper's f*n arse. You go into any white-collar workplace in the world, and what are your f*n employees slacken off to? F*n Solitaire.
Only f*n nerd idiots like Eponymous White Dickhead and engineers play f*n Minesweeper. I mean you need a f*n degree in math sh*t to be able to play it.
Everybody knows how to play Solitaire cos it's really f*n easy. And you can win money in it and everything. What the f*n hell do you get out of Minef*nsweeper? F*n nothing. Except to show off your lame arse bullsh*t score to all your mates.
Get a life man. No one f*n cares.
When I buy Microsoft, I'm gonna change Windows name to Microsoft F*n Solitaire with Windows and Internet Explorer. And I'll f*n take Minesweeper out so little *** like Skinny Man can f*n find some other crap to do.
Yours Sincerely,
Kerry "Fudge" Packer
From Mr. Vargeanu
Dear Anonymous Skinny Man,
In regards to that punk beeyatch who has gaming nerd fantasies about wannabe hack Amiga games like minesweeper, that f*k should take his carpel-tunnel-syndrome-limp-wristed-jimmy-wrenching hand OFF IT.
Get real, that loser doesn't know addiction if it slapped him in the face while he was touching cloth with his free hand. Tell pansy arsed momma's boy to get a job and stop tossing around on his computer all day.
I bet several blow jobs to dirty old men, that that entire article of his was typed with one hand. However, this may lend support to his argument on gaming supremacy. Who else is more qualified than the Anonymous Skinny Man to make such a judgement? The poor sod's been deprived of sexual healing all of his natural born life. Lest ye count Rosie Palm and her five sisters visiting everday and twice on Sundays "sexual".
Several ommisions I notice were, well, ommited in his dissertation.
1. Lakers vs Celtics: NBA Playoffs.
Classic game with classic game play. Addictive to the point of insanity. Quintessential arcade AI. Can it get anymore arbitrary?
2. Well-tris.
Perhaps the most unpublicised sequel to the one of the world's most entertaining games. Takes the simplistic and addictive gameplay of big brother Tetris and adds another dimension. Okay. Fine. This one sucked and bit the dust hard. NEXT.
3. Bubble Bobble (for PC).
A classic in the arcade, becomes a classic on the home PC. Choose to be Bub or Bob, cute, irresistable dinosaurs that emit toxic bubbles from their reverse cycle flatulence systems. Scurry for fruit and assorted lolly power ups. Rapid fire and long range bubbles deal with those nasties only hardcore
gamers confront. Therapeutic.
4. Mechwarrior (The original)
Activision's contemporary masterpiece of gaming excellence. The Mac Daddy of quasi-brilliant spawns Mechwarrior 2 and MechCommander. Originally designed for 386 "high powered" hardware of the early nineties, run this on a Pentium-based mammoth and complete a dozen missions in the time it usually takes to power up. The sheer simplicity and irrelevant story line made this game go where no game ahs gone before.
While I understand he is a force to be reckoned with in the world of Nerd, Anonymous Skinny Man, you're a twat. How the hell do you figure Microsoft could make the best anything? Homewrecking and hair loss maybe, but computer games? They don't know bollocks. And apparently neither do you. Get your hand off it, and stand up straight.
Minesweeper's for pathetic middle-aged white collar knobs who work in companies too poor to afford 'net access, and who don't feel like ass kissing the boss during smoko.
Punk. Get the f*k outta here with that shite.
Your Sincerely,
Mr. Vargeanu